Saturday, September 22, 2012

time in a bottle

I was doing some cleaning up on my computer today....
I keep finding all of these videos that I never knew existed...
this one made me cry... alot
calli sings in it with her brother-
so many memories
he is hurting so much
they spent so much time together...
video
there were so many videos she took of them both playing,
 making believe, goofing off..
i never knew about any of them.
where was I
on facebook?
reading emails?
probably
i have so many regrets
i wasted so much time,
so much of her precious life on crap 
like facebook
last July when i got off for good- 
was so freeing
what a waste of time
 and energy
 and emotion
i am so sad
all the time i wasted
the precious time
i can never ever get back...
here is another one... she was so beautiful, so goofy, so precious
video
my heart breaks every day
i find little notes
 and pieces of paper with her writing
 and i cannot bear to throw them out...
the other night i was putting supper on the table
 and mike just started to cry
there were 4 pieces of chicken 
and the thought crossed his mind...
just enough for the four of us...
those thoguhts are ...
ever-present in our minds...
they just come so naturally
and when they do, we break
and we sob
it is hard to smile.
the other night, 
we were watching the Wonder Years
and it was when Karen was getting married...
tears....
just streaming down Mike's face
He will never get to walk her down the aisle...
rather....
down the forest trail 
as was her wish...
she wanted to be married in a forest, 
next to a creek and a large meadow
with the sun shining through...
and her loved ones surrounding her...
she wrote her wedding plans right next to her burial plans....

she is gone....
there is no time left with her...

this makes me think of a favorite song of my Dad's 
I listened to it the other day..
it hit the nail on the head


Time In A Bottle lyrics 
JimCroce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with





5 comments:

  1. Thanks again for updating and sharing with all of us Lucy!! Just like your Dad, Time in a Bottle is one of my favorites, as was Jim Croce...loved all his songs since I was a little girl, had every one of his albums. The song was perfect to the beautiful video of sweet Calli and Aidan. Couldn't stop crying and have watched it over and over again!!! Also, just saw the Make a Wish video for the first time...and again, tears!!! You are such a beautiful family!! And Aidan, I loved your singing with Calli on the first video...as I mentioned in the last post, You Are The Man!!!! Love you!!!!!!

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  2. Please know that my heart breaks for you. There are so many of us that are hurting because Calli is not here with us anymore. But, but, she was such a beautiful soul. We smile because she was here with us for 15 years! May god's comfort be with you!

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  3. Lucy, I look at a picture of my daughter ..............as a child ... she is looking back and I am trying to read her eyes..........NO ONE TAUGHT ME HOW TO MOTHER..........NO ONE SHOWED ME A GOOD EXAMPLE.... I flounder.........It is not good..........I wish you were her mother... You could give her things I have never been taught via bad experience.. I pray.........she is lost in disbelief (my fault) .........How sad .....What a waste..........I envy you...........Cindy

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  4. Love the song, love the video, love calli and aidan, love you and michael. what else can i say? I cry.

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  5. She is forever in my memory a caring, theatrical, fun, loving girl I once knew who became such a strong brave fighter.
    Her beauty wasn't just on the outside, it was in her soul.
    May Angels lead you in Calli.

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