time in a bottle

I was doing some cleaning up on my computer today....

I keep finding all of these videos that I never knew existed...

this one made me cry... alot

calli sings in it with her brother-

so many memories

he is hurting so much

they spent so much time together...

there were so many videos she took of them both playing,

 making believe, goofing off..

i never knew about any of them.

where was I

on facebook?

reading emails?

probably

i have so many regrets

i wasted so much time,

so much of her precious life on crap 

like facebook

last July when i got off for good- 

was so freeing

what a waste of time

 and energy

 and emotion

i am so sad

all the time i wasted

the precious time

i can never ever get back...

here is another one... she was so beautiful, so goofy, so precious

my heart breaks every day

i find little notes

 and pieces of paper with her writing

 and i cannot bear to throw them out...

the other night i was putting supper on the table

 and mike just started to cry

there were 4 pieces of chicken 

and the thought crossed his mind...

just enough for the four of us...

those thoguhts are ...
ever-present in our minds...

they just come so naturally

and when they do, we break

and we sob

it is hard to smile.

the other night, 

we were watching the Wonder Years

and it was when Karen was getting married...

tears....

just streaming down Mike's face

He will never get to walk her down the aisle...

rather....

down the forest trail 

as was her wish...

she wanted to be married in a forest, 

next to a creek and a large meadow

with the sun shining through...

and her loved ones surrounding her...

she wrote her wedding plans right next to her burial plans....

she is gone....
there is no time left with her...

this makes me think of a favorite song of my Dad's 

I listened to it the other day..

it hit the nail on the head

Time In A Bottle lyrics 

JimCroce
If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go through time with