wounding for gain

It seems to me, that sometimes, if not most times....wounding must come before the best can come out of something.  For instance, the beautiful rose in my garden, the orange one a friend got me for Calli, smells so sweet as I walk past it, but when I crush it in my hand, the fragrance is even stronger....As I crush it and rub it all over my wrist scented oil saturates and permeates my skin, giving its strongest fragrance.  The ground in my garden must be broken with a sharp tiller, and run over again and again and again before it is ready to receive the seeds that I plant.  A hive must be destroyed, to get to the honey....Wheat berries are hard, and not edible until they are crushed and ground down into flour....Incense does not give off it's beautiful fragrance unless it is burnt in the fire.

On all sides, we are being crushed, pulverized, beaten down.  It seems everything all around us, each relationship is being shaken. So be it.  God will shake everything that can be shaken. 

Calli and Mike were very sick this past week, and I thought maybe she has pneumonia, her chest was full of phlegm and she had a high fever.........

That got me to thinking, a fever is the body's natural way to shake off, get rid of and destroy impurities, things that don't belong or things that have been there for a while and need to leave.  The body raises it's own temperature, to kill off and send away toxic intruders.

Then she began to cough and cough and cough......coughing, like a fever, is another way to remove the mess.  The body sometimes involuntarily, or voluntarily offers a sudden, forceful and repetitive motion to dislodge and remove irritants, and microbes that have snuck in and made you ill.

Sneezing....is a convulsive explosion of air through the nose and mouth.....a way to get rid of irritants, bacteria....

So, everything that can be shaken will be shaken....why?  God desires a pure heart,a pure devotion.  When irritants, and distractions and toxins infiltrate us unaware they must suddenly and forcefully be destroyed, or gotten rid of. 

A body... a person..... a mother can only handle so much at once. 

These once dormant and inactive microbes, cells, toxins and irritants can go masked for years.....it is when the body is beat down, tired, stressed or malnourished that they take their chance to invade and multiply...taking over and rising to action destroying cell by cell. 

A body must go through the shakes, tremors and chills of a high fever, it must fight to be well.  It must convulse and hurl, and cough and sneeze, most times violently to be well.

I have been talked about and it has been said that I sabotage the relationships I have with others.  Perhaps this is true.  Perhaps, it is that my body, my spirit has finally realized what I have allowed to taken over my devotion, my time, my emotions, what I have fed, and cajoled, pitied and helped...helped thrive....perhaps my body is saying ENOUGH!  

My desire is to be the best wife and mom that I can be for my family.  Right now, perhaps that is all I can handle.  If I have offended you, cut you off, ignored you, or hurt you...I am sorry.  I am in survival mode right now.  If you are a source of stress, if you continue to harass us, lie, maliciously gossip, speak death over our child....I will dislodge you. 

I am open and raw and have nothing to hide. 

This is not something I read from a book, or learned from a pulpit, self-help book or tv show; it is something real that was revealed to me as I took care of my sick family...so many distractions come and try to steal away our time and devotion, enough is enough.

Only God can judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  Generally when someone is down and sick, it is best not to kick them and beat them and throw them in a pit. 

So here we are, wounded, but it is only through many tribulations , crushing, that we are made better, more pure...all that extra nonsense is shed off.

I am not perfect, I am not always a good wife, mom, friend, sister or daughter.  I have many faults and have never ever claimed to have attained the designation of a "good christian."  I do not preach about my goodness, but the Lord's.  This verse really spoke to me this today.

2 Corinthians 4

 ¹ Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart. ² Rather, we have renounced secret and shameful ways; we do not use deception, nor do we distort the word of God. On the contrary, by setting forth the truth plainly we commend ourselves to everyone’s conscience in the sight of God. ³ And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing. ⁴ The god of this age has blinded the minds of unbelievers, so that they cannot see the light of the gospel that displays the glory of Christ, who is the image of God. ⁵ For what we preach is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,”^[a] made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.  ⁷ But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. ⁸ We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; ⁹ persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. ¹⁰ We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. ¹¹ For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. ¹² So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.
 ¹³ It is written: “I believed; therefore I have spoken.”^[b] Since we have that same spirit of^[c] faith, we also believe and therefore speak, ¹⁴ because we know that the one who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead will also raise us with Jesus and present us with you to himself. ¹⁵ All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.
 ¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.