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Today is my birthday

I never thought I would ever
celebrate a birthday
without my Calli :(

I really miss hugging her

I miss how she melted...
...so easily into my arms

I miss smelling her hair

I miss talking to her

I miss my daughter...

I miss the special relationship
that we shared

And how easy it was
to talk to her
and laugh with her

unlike boys
and guys
and males

She was a girl

my girl

This was on my birthday last year

Today I am scrambling
and searching
through my drawers 

Desperately trying
to find the card 

My sweet Calli made me
for my birthday last year.

It had rainbows
she had drawn on it.
I love rainbows.

It had so many beautiful colors
and words in it

From her heart...
to mine

She told me how colorful I really was
on the inside 

She told me how much she loved me

She told me that no matter
 what anyone ever said...
 or did to me...

That she...
that she saw the real me

And she knew the real me..

And she loved me...

With all my true colors...
yellow
black
brown
blue
green
or red

And then she asked Mike to play this song...

And I held her
and hugged her
and cried with gratitude
for her life.
As we listened,

The love inside my heart
exploded

You with the sad eyes

Don't be discouraged

Oh I realize

It's hard to take courage

In a world full of people

You can lose sight of it all

And the darkness inside you

Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,

Don't be unhappy, can't remember

When I last saw you laughing

If this world makes you crazy

And you've taken all you can bear

You call me up

Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors

Shining through

I see your true colors

And that's why I love you

So don't be afraid to let them show

Your true colors

True colors are beautiful,

Like a rainbow

Mike just came in, 

We got a package.

Left on the doorstep

I don't even know who it is from...

But look what we got!

Wow, thank you,
whoever you are
that sent these to us.

They came at just the right moment...
THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Last weekend,
I went to the beach....

It was sunny and cold

it was a time of refreshing
and a time
of spiritual renewal

and it was really windy :)

This is Jill.
She is my friend
to the heart good 

as Calli used to say :)

Whenever I am out in the world,
I ask for a heart rock.
I have many over the years
that Calli and Aidan
have found for me...
or that I have found on walks
I always find one.
They are never perfectly shaped,
usually worn from the years,
sometimes broken,
but always, always a heart.
When I ask now,
I know Calli can hear
and she reminds Jesus
to send one to me.
I think just maybe that....
she can see them
and that she picks out
just the right one...
And then Jesus puts them in my path.
So on this cold & blustery
day on the beach,
I asked for another heart rock.

Jill said she would help me look...
And it was a very special
moment for her,
When she saw it first
It was very special indeed