Saturday, March 23, 2013


Today is my birthday
I never thought I would ever
celebrate a birthday
without my Calli :(
I really miss hugging her
I miss how she melted... easily into my arms
I miss smelling her hair
I miss talking to her
I miss my daughter...
I miss the special relationship
that we shared
And how easy it was
to talk to her
and laugh with her
unlike boys
and guys
and males
She was a girl
my girl
This was on my birthday last year
Today I am scrambling
and searching
through my drawers 
Desperately trying
to find the card 
My sweet Calli made me
for my birthday last year.
It had rainbows
she had drawn on it.
I love rainbows.
It had so many beautiful colors
and words in it
From her heart...
to mine
She told me how colorful I really was
on the inside 
She told me how much she loved me
She told me that no matter
 what anyone ever said...
 or did to me...
That she...
that she saw the real me
And she knew the real me..
And she loved me...
With all my true colors...
or red
And then she asked Mike to play this song...
And I held her
and hugged her
and cried with gratitude
for her life.
As we listened,
The love inside my heart
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Mike just came in, 
We got a package.
Left on the doorstep
I don't even know who it is from...
But look what we got!
Wow, thank you,
whoever you are
that sent these to us.
They came at just the right moment...
Last weekend,
I went to the beach....
It was sunny and cold
it was a time of refreshing
and a time
of spiritual renewal
and it was really windy :)
This is Jill.
She is my friend
to the heart good 
as Calli used to say :)
Whenever I am out in the world,
I ask for a heart rock.
I have many over the years
that Calli and Aidan
have found for me...
or that I have found on walks
I always find one.
They are never perfectly shaped,
usually worn from the years,
sometimes broken,
but always, always a heart.
When I ask now,
I know Calli can hear
and she reminds Jesus
to send one to me.
I think just maybe that....
she can see them
and that she picks out
just the right one...
And then Jesus puts them in my path.
So on this cold & blustery
day on the beach,
I asked for another heart rock.
Jill said she would help me look...
And it was a very special
moment for her,
When she saw it first
It was very special indeed


  1. Your secret gifter even got the treble clef on the butterfly :)
    It's been a sad (calander) year for you, Mike, Aidan and the ripples go wide, effecting so many that love you and your family.
    I miss Calli and am grateful for the scripture that was shared for us all. It helps me remember that one day I WILL see Calli and my brothers too. Somedays are soooo hard, but truly if we only knew how fast it goes we'd realize that it's just a wisp of time.
    Happy 35 Lucy Alison xxoo

  2. Have a beautiful Easter! You will be in my prayers! ~Barbara Smith

  3. I check your page everyday hoping for an update. please let us know how you're doing.

  4. Lucy, you guys are on my heart today. We love you and pray for you and think of you often.


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