Tuesday, June 7, 2011

cry till we laugh and laugh till we cry

Today was a wonderful day.  We smiled, we laughed, we cried, we laughed till we cried, we cried till we laughed. 

We started the morning with a goal- get Calli into a real shower!  Mike and I figured it out on our own, and did it!  Calli did most the work, we just supported her.  What a blessing to be able to get a shower!  To stand...not to mention, this morning Calli stood alone for a few seconds...yes she did!  We are so proud of her, she is so determined and focused.  I was scrubbing her left foot, and she said "Owwy! ow Mom, not so hard-that hurts!"  I started jumping up and down and hooting and hollering and praising the Lord- because SHE COULD FEEL THE BOTTOM OF HER FOOT!!!  THE SAME FOOT that three neurosurgeons told us that she would never be able to feel again!  God is good- ALL of the TIME!!!

Today she is so much stronger than yesterday!  Each day, she gains leaps and bounds! 

So, when Calli came out of Surgeryonwednesday, one of the first things that she asked was, "Mom, am I going to be able to ring my bells, I can't ring sitting in a wheel chair."  You see, Calli rings in a traveling bell choir. They are all wonderful, intelligent and compassionate homeschoolers.  She considers them a part of her family.  It is widely known, that if one ringer is missing...the whole song is thrown off, as each ringer is assigned two or even 4 notes to ring. 

Today, the bell choir showed up and rang a surprise concert for Calli.  I tried to get them permission to ring in the main Atrium, or the family library, but we were put in a small conference room right in the middle of the Oncology floor!  After each ringer, parent & director was screened for illness, I went and got Calli, who had NO IDEA!  We rolled her down the hall, and you could hear the majestic sound of ringing bronze.....she was so surprised to see them all there. As they played, smiles and laughter  graced her face.   :) 

Parents, doctors, patients and nurses, could hear the beautiful worship songs "Worthy of my Praise," & "Mighty to Save,"  through the halls.  One by one they would come to listen in the hallway.  Several patient's parents were crying, I had three nurses tell me that they got chills, listening to them play.  God put us where He wanted us.  He wanted them to play in the middle of these halls of depression, over these halls of doubt, over these halls of fear and death- and bring LIFE, WORSHIP, BLESSINGS, and PEACE.  Blessings and Life were rung over each child, parent, sibling, nurse and doctor today.....

They got to visit just for a short while, but left such an imprint on Calli, me and others....As i walked them all downstairs and went outside, I realized, it had been the first time that I was outside since the morning of her surgery.  I was so thankful to hear the birds chirp, see the breeze blow in the trees, and feel the sunshine on my face. 

After they had all gone, we went back to the room and spent some wonderful time with all the Homan children, their mom, and grandmother and Aidan!  So, we had a total of 11 children and 4 adults in her room today and had a BLAST! 

We were so blessed to be able to see Aidan today :)  I cried and cried when he left.  I miss him so much, and I can see the worry on his brow, in his eyes....he loves his "Sissy."  He let me kiss him a hundred thousand times on his face, cheek, lips, and forehead...to make up for the last 3 days of not seeing him.  We are all looking forward to the time when the 4 of us, can all be together again. 

After they left, we had a visit from Calli's radiologist from Hospital of University of Pennsylvania.  Calli will have to heal for several weeks, before she can get any radiation. She may be able to get proton radiation, which is more precise and protects other vital parts of her body.

We had another wonderful surprise visit from some of Mike's friend's, and were encouraged and uplifted.

I felt carried all day...I mean really like on a cloud of JOY.  It is really quite strange how light I felt today.

Someone precious and beloved by God, who went through a tradgedy of losing her child two years ago emailed Mike and me today and said this:

"While my trial is different than yours, I still understand your pain, your desire to do something...but knowing there is nothing you can do. God has placed you where you are, He has a purpose for this, He knows and sees the big picture, I can see that God is holding you up, He is holding up Calli, He will not let her go.  The prayers of God's people have carried me thus far....I used to feel so bad that everyone else was praying so hard, and here I was needing God the most and could not pray.  A friend told me that it is like the paralyzed man who could not get to Jesus, but he believed in him, and needed his friends to carry him to Jesus to be healed.  They lowered him through the roof!  At that time, I was too paralyzed to get to Jesus, I needed to allow my friends to carry me to Him and lay me before Jesus.  You must continue to do the same."

This went right to the core of me today.  The thing is.... in order to be carried, we must surrender, lay down, rest & be still.  While there is "bad" reports, sadness, death and tragedy all around us...we are at peace on the inside... we are still, quiet, full of contentment and JOY.  Today I know the JOY that I felt, the weightlessness that I felt, was Jesus.  I know we were carried by our friends, strangers, & families prayers,...we are getting notes from people all over the world praying....YOU are carrying us to the feet of Jesus.  Thank you <3  

Each day Calli is growing stronger and stronger...Mike is such a support for both of us.  He reminds me to drink my water, refills it and makes me drink.  He is constantly making Calli drink, and do her exercises.   He holds Calli up and is her support when she they walk.  She trusts in him so much.  There is no fear of being hurt or turned the wrong way or pulled the wrong way, when she is in his arms.  She trusts in her daddy so much.  I believe that this is part of the reason she trusts in her heavenly Daddy so much too...God has given her a loving earthly father, as an example to hold her, comfort her and support her like no one can.  I cannot help but look back to 13 years ago, when this child of ours, our beloved gift was learning to walk...she would get so excited when Mike got home from work and would pull herself up and try to get over to him.....and walk. I am seeing the same little girl, now a young woman, working so hard to show her Daddy, that she can do it, that she wants to walk to Him, with Him.

I am so thankful about the open relationship that Mike and I have with our children.  We are laughing so much right now.  It is pure silliness, if you think about it.  Mike is shooshing us at night, because we are laughing so loud...and then he starts laughing and we just can't stop.  I mean, we are laughing at every single little thing...the simple things in life that are funny.   

2 Corinthians 1:3-4
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction... with the same comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

Thank you for carrying us to the feet of Jesus.


  1. I am so blessed and encouraged to hear of the progress that Calli is making, even in the little things like standing alone and showering. Please know that a network of folks are praying for her in the state of South Carolina, and we will be following your blog in hopes of more success stories and leaps forward. You are all so strong.
    God bless. :]

    Ephesians 3:14-21

  2. When I read your words I see that the Peace that passes all understanding is with your family. :) That peace will get you through it all - along with the love and prayers from family and friends and you got that!!!
    p.s. thanks so much for sharing with us.

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  4. I've been following your blog and appreciate your updates!! Your daughter sounds amazing and I'm really impressed with her mature relationship with the Lord!! My husband and I have been praying for your family and I spent a couple minutes on my knees this afternoon praying to God and asking him to heal your little girl!!! I hope you get your miracle!! My heart aches for you!! Please let Mike know we are praying!! My husband and I worked with Mike at I.T. Landes.
    God Bless!!
    Dan and Julie Nolan & Family

  5. We don't know you personally, but we wanted to let you know that you are in our prayers! I had not read your blog until today and was so rejoicing in the joy the Lord is giving you in the midst of suffering! To be able to laugh and enjoy each moment with each other - that is the key! We know a little about that as my husband Harley had a kidney transplant 3 years ago and was pretty much at the point of death when he got it from our son. We learned to make each moment count - these are bittersweet times, but God is faithful! Know that you are on our church prayer list here at Hopewell. We will continue to lft you up for strength for each moment.
    Dolores Derstine, Secretary


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