life and more life

Calli is still getting regular physical therapy at CHOP-Bucks county twice a week, and we are now traveling weekly to CHOP for treatments and other therapies. She will be starting equine therapy as soon as we get our schedule figured out.  At first Insurance said they would pay, and now we have realized that while they will pay, the only places that offer it are not providers- the closest one is an hour away, and they have a three year waiting list!   Lord willing, He will provide the therapy.  This therapy helps her with her balance and gait, and strengthens her core in ways that regular PT does not.

Aidan is busy with TaeKwonDO- he goes four times a week!  He is very dedicated, and has been doing patterns and stretching and challenging himself here at home as well.  He got a guitar for Christmas and would like to start lessons on that as soon as I find a good teacher!  We got him a chord book for Christmas, and he is trying to teach himself some chords to start.

Calli and Aidan have not had piano lessons since last May, so now that the dust has settled (so to speak but not really at all- we are just used to it now-lol), they are eager to start again!  So, on the days that we have physical therapy, we will also be traveling to horse therapy once a week and piano once a week.  They are both busy with bell choir as well, and really enjoy the friends and music they make!  Did I mention that we home-school too!  lol.

So, our life is crazy busy, and on top of all of this, we have Mike's mom Linda's needs to balance.  She has moved to The Birches at Arbor Square, for the time being, it is literally 5 miles away, which is nice.  Jeff, Lori and Chris are trying to all lend a hand with appointments, and responsibilities and helping mom out. many hands make light work.

We had a huge shock this week, when we found out results of Linda's  PETSCAN.  Apparently the bone scan done two months ago was wrong, or the cancer spread very quickly.  The cancer is indeed in her right lung and has tripled in size since the last scan, it is also in her left lung now in three spots.  It is also in her ribs, and in all three parts of the spine, it is both of her hips, her iliac crest, her sacrum, and now is on her right femur as well as her left.  To top that off, they see spots in her lymph nodes and her bowel that they think are disease.  This news is an extra punch to the gut.  In reality, I think we are all numb.  Friday is the day that Mike's dad died at 58, from cancer,7 years ago...so this is a hard week as it is.

This all of course, is stressful, sad, and shocking....it stretches us beyond our own capabilities of coping and sanity and we must tap into God, we must be in communication and dependence on Him for all of our strength and energy and endurance.

I cannot HOPE and BELIEVE for the best for Calli, and not hope and believe it for my mother-in-law.  Faith is not conditional, hope is not conditional.

We should be a mess- well I guess some people think that I am a mess.  All this chaos and heartache and cancer and death and sorrow surround us...but I am not moved.  My emotions may heave and ho, and my flesh may cry out in weakness at times...but my hope is not diminished and has not moved.

As we try and meet the needs of our children, and Mike's mom,  we are learning to bend and flex.  Our wants go on the back burner, our schedule gets rearranged- we bend, we flex, as the Lord leads.

God is trying to teach us humility, servant hood, being last, thinking of others as more important....these are all really good lessons for not only me and Mike to learn, but our children...and we do it for God, for you..not for our own selves, or to make ourselves feel better.

When Aidan was in the hospital, Calli stayed home with Mike, and it was the first time we were away from each other since May, she was upset and mad and desired for me to come home and be with her....she learned a lesson, that she needed to put Aidan's needs before her own desires.  She was in wonderful hands, safe and ok with her daddy.

On top of all of this, my daddy is in a bad way physically, and emotionally and he needs a supernatural touch from God.  My heart grieves and mourns over the many years of trauma and turmoil he has gone through.  He needs God's hand to give him rest and peace and healing.

Our children, Calli and Aidan, have a hard time digesting all of this at once....it is a lot.  When I lay my head down at night, exhaustion hits my body, a heaviness sits on my chest.

Yet I will sing.  I will give thanks, and I will praise the Lord in and through this.

"Put on a Garment of Praise for a spirit of heaviness, lift up your voice to God," Isaiah 61-3, the old song also said to "pray in the spirit and with understanding, oh Magnify the Lord."

Please pray for my mother in law, Linda, and my Daddy Matthew.

I cannot help but think of a chapter in the bible lately, preached on so many times..and quoted, sung about...but when I read it, I really think...do people really know what this verse means?   Please read it, ingest it, meditate on it- see what it speaks to you.

2 Corinthians 4

New Living Translation (NLT)

Treasure in Fragile Clay Jars

 ¹ Therefore, since God in his mercy has given us this new way, we never give up. ² We reject all shameful deeds and underhanded methods. We don’t try to trick anyone or distort the word of God. We tell the truth before God, and all who are honest know this. ³ If the Good News we preach is hidden behind a veil, it is hidden only from people who are perishing. ⁴

 ⁵ You see, we don’t go around preaching about ourselves. We preach that Jesus Christ is Lord, and we ourselves are your servants for Jesus’ sake. ⁶ For God, who said, “Let there be light in the darkness,” has made this light shine in our hearts so we could know the glory of God that is seen in the face of Jesus Christ.

 ⁷ We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

 ⁸ We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. ⁹ We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. ¹⁰ Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.

 ¹¹ Yes, we live under constant danger of death because we serve Jesus, so that the life of Jesus will be evident in our dying bodies. ¹² So we live in the face of death, but this has resulted in eternal life for you.

 ¹³ But we continue to preach because we have the same kind of faith the psalmist had when he said, “I believed in God, so I spoke.” ¹⁴ We know that God, who raised the Lord Jesus, will also raise us with Jesus and present us to himself together with you. ¹⁵ All of this is for your benefit. And as God’s grace reaches more and more people, there will be great thanksgiving, and God will receive more and more glory.

 ¹⁶ That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. ¹⁷ For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! ¹⁸ So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.